30 After Amy
by ARtheBard
Summary: After so many years of questions, JJ finally has answers about her sister's suicide. But in the aftermath of finding out that answer, JJ has to deal with the hit to her psyche those answers and some recent events have dealt her. It's time to heal it all in preparation of her transition to profiler or consider leaving the BAU for good.
1. Chapter 1

**Welcome to story number 30 in my crazy little AU. Last story was, to say the least, intense. This story deals with some of the aftermath of that story, especially JJ trying to get back to normal...whatever that means to this team. Lol**

**Enjoy!**

**-AR**

* * *

Wednesday afternoon JJ finally comes out of the bedroom. Emily and Francesca had given her some space, knowing she was working through emotions they can't even begin to fathom. And they also know that had she needed them, she would have called. As JJ walks into the living room, she hears Emily's side of a conversation with Elizabeth.

"Yes, Mother, we got the list of 'appropriate' children's names you sent." She listens a moment. "Yes, we saw Raquel and know it could be shortened to Rocky." She listens a bit longer. "I know Roxanne wasn't on the list but, Mother, we both love the name." She chuckles. "Yes, Mother, I chose it just to piss you off. My wife may be a pod person like you but I'm not. Are you happy now?"

JJ can't help but smile. Yes, the mother-daughter dynamic was better for the Prentiss women but obviously they were both too stubborn to let things get _too_ perfect.

"Mother, her name will be Roxanne Amy Prentiss. Deal with it." Emily sighs. "Well, come to think of it…Jen may want to change the middle name now." Emily leans against the bookcase, her back still to her wife. "She's hurting, Mom. I wish I knew how to make the pain go away." Emily's voice is thick with tears. "I hate feeling this helpless where Jen is concerned. I just don't know how to help her, Mom."

JJ wipes the tears that appear in her eyes. She had thought she was cried out; obviously not.

"I love her so much, Mom. How do I do that? How do I just stand here doing nothing?" She takes a shuddering, tear choked breath. "Yeah…I know. Whatever she needs, whenever she needs it, that's my vow to her. Speaking of Jen, I need to go check on her. She needs to eat soon. She didn't touch the lunch Francesca and Henry took her. I'm making her a burger, fries and shake for dinner. I'm pretty sure she'll eat it." She listens then chuckles. "Well, we call it the Comfort Special. We tend to eat it on the road during tough cases. If this case didn't qualify I don't know what does." She listens and nods. "I know. I'll tell her, Mom. We love you, too. Bye."

Emily clicks off the phone and runs a hand down her face. She doesn't even realize JJ is there until arms wrap around her waist from behind.

"You help me just by being you, Emily," JJ whispers. "I love you so much." She turns her wife in her arms. "And her name will be Roxanne Amy Prentiss."

Emily smiles and strokes a hand over JJ's cheek. "Okay." She studies cloudy blue eyes. "God, Jen, what can I do? Is there anything?"

JJ lays her head on her wife's shoulder. "Just hold me, Em. Just hold me."

Emily holds her close. "Always." She kisses her temple. "I love you, Jennifer. I love you so much."

"I love you, too."

They just stand there a few minutes. The brunette wills her strength to the blonde; the blonde soaks up the love like a sponge. JJ finally leans back.

"Are you going to Declan's game tonight?"

Emily shakes her head. "No. I think you need me more tonight."

JJ smiles. "I…I need to get back to normal, Em. How about we all go?"

Emily studies her wife's eyes. "Are you sure?"

JJ nods. "Yeah. I…I mourned her when I was 11. I can't…can't do it all again. Does that make me a bitch?"

Emily shakes her head. "No. Never." She gives her a gentle kiss. "And afterwards, how about Red Robin for dinner?"

JJ smiles. "I thought you were making me dinner?"

Emily grins and shrugs. "Making, buying…almost the same."

JJ laughs. "Right, Mrs. Prentiss. Right."


	2. Chapter 2

As they are getting ready to leave for the lacrosse game, they see Garcia's classic Caddy pull into their driveway. JJ meets her on the porch and pulls her into a tight hug.

"Thank you, Pen. For…for staying with Sergio and Alaska, for working so hard on this case, and for, God, Pen, just for being my best friend," JJ says emotionally.

Garcia returns the firm hug. "No need to thank me, Jayje. You would have done the same for me. I love you, Jennifer."

"I love you, too, Penelope."

"PENNY!"

Garcia pulls away as an excited Henry jogs towards her. She kneels down and gets a big Henry Hug.

"How's my favorite nephew?"

He gives her a big kiss. "Love Penny."

"I love you, too, Henry. Have you been taking care of Mommy? Have you been keeping her smiling?"

He nods excitedly. "Yes!"

JJ shakes her head and looks at Emily and Francesca. "How come he can say yes to everyone but me?"

Emily grins. "Because he's more like me than you want to know."

The others laugh, knowing she is probably right. Garcia decides to go to the game with them. JJ waits to ride with her as Garcia goes inside to get her things from the guest bedroom. As they finally get going, Garcia reaches over and takes JJ's hand.

"You know if you need anything, a shoulder, someone to scream at, someone to cry with, I'm here for you."

JJ squeezes Garcia's hand. "I know. Thank you."

"Are you taking the rest of the week off?"

JJ nods. "Yeah, I am. I'm seeing Dr. Westfallen tomorrow. I talked to her for an hour today. I have…a lot to work out. And not just stuff about Amy."

Garcia glances at her. "What else?"

JJ stares out the window a minute. "I…I've had some bad scares out in the field since becoming a profiler. I kind of have some guilt making me doubt myself. No time like the present to work it all out, right?"

Garcia nods. "Definitely. And if you need help with that, I'm here, too."

JJ smiles. "I know. You, Emily, the whole team…I couldn't have gotten through the last few days without you all. And I know you all will help me through whatever I need to in the future. It means the world to me."

"Well, you mean the world to us, Queenie."

JJ nods. "I know. Thanks."

* * *

At the field they find out Declan will be guarding the boy that gave him a black eye earlier in the season. JJ bristles.

"The refs better watch that kid," she mutters.

Emily smiles and takes her hand. "The coach warned them already. From the sound of it, the kid is known to have an attitude so the refs are familiar with him." She leans close and whispers. "Kinda sexy when you get all 'Protective Mom', Jen."

JJ chuckles and slaps her wife's arm. As the kids finish warming up, they hear the father of one boy mouthing off.

"Well, that Colter kid better watch out this game. I told my boy to take him out early," he boasts.

Emily, JJ, and Garcia all slowly turn to glare at the man. Emily notices Declan's headmaster has also heard the threat. He steps towards the…ahem…gentleman.

"Sir, I would like to remind you that sports teaches our young men teamwork, personal work ethic, and, most importantly, good sportsmanship. I hope your bravado is just that and not truly a threat to an opposing player," Stephen Hill says diplomatically.

The man gestures rudely at the headmaster, who just stiffens and walks away to search out his counterpart. They would not tolerate attitudes like that on the field or off.

JJ glares at the man. "If his kid hurts Dec I'll tear him apart for telling his kid to do it. Will be a good stress reliever."

Emily and Garcia chuckle…but both worry JJ may be serious.

Soon the game is underway and once again Declan is frustrating the league's leading scorer. Every time he has the ball, Dec is right there. A couple times the boy had struck out at Dec and been called for it but the fans around the Prentiss' are getting upset that nothing more is being done to stop the bad sport.

By the 4th quarter, the boy is still scoreless and hasn't even managed assist. With Declan's school up by 4, the other team is getting desperate.

"KNOCK THAT BRAT OUT!" the jerk of a father screams, meaning Declan.

JJ stands. "That's it. Time to shut that bastard up!"

Emily and Garcia grab her. "Jen, I would love nothing more than to see you practice a few moves Morgan taught you on that man but it's _not_ going to happen," Emily tells her.

A couple of the other parents chuckle, knowing JJ wasn't kidding. They watch as Stephen Hill and the other headmaster walk over to caution the man to watch his step.

"Yeah, like warning him will work," JJ mutters.

Garcia laughs. "Oh, and you kicking his butt would be such a good example. It would go viral on YouTube in no time! 'FBI Agent Beats Lacrosse Dad!' Straus would love it!"

JJ finally grins. "Yeah, I guess it would be bad. I—DECLAN!" she screams in horror.

Declan had blocked yet another shot by the boy and this time the kid reacted. He throws a punch, knocking Dec's helmet off and then swings his stick at the blonde boy's head. But since he had done it before, Dec is expecting it. He gets his stick up to block the strike. Angry he missed with his stick the boy kicks out, catching Declan in the knee. Declan hits the turf, in obvious pain. As the other boy goes to kick again, one of the defenders on Dec's team tackles him.

Luckily the refs and coaches had reacted after the first hit. Before a melee can start, they are keeping kids away from each other. The refs send the teams to opposite ends of the field as athletic trainers run out to help Declan. Emily is squeezing JJ's hand in fear.

"DEEK!" Henry hollers, as if knowing his buddy is hurt.

Emily and JJ both let out breaths they didn't know they were holding as Declan gets up and, with help, limps to the sidelines. JJ then turns her attention to the refs. They confer a minute and then eject the boy that had attacked Declan. They also eject the boy who had come to Dec's defense, which they find incredibly unfair. JJ climbs out of the stands to go check on Declan.

"Hey, Declan, are you okay?"

Declan winces. "I…I think so."

She studies his face and sees a cut on his chin from his face mask. She looks at his knee and sees scrapes from the cleats as well as bruising. She looks at the trainers.

"What's your take on things?"

"It may be fine but we recommend he get an x-ray of the knee to be sure. Maybe an MRI, too."

JJ nods. "Whatever he needs. What about his chin?"

"Butterflies should be fine. No need for stitches." The trainer smiles at Declan. "You really know how to piss people off, Hammer."

Declan just grins. "Not my fault I'm better than him."

JJ laughs for the first time in what feels like forever. "That's what I like to hear. Come on, let's get you to the ER for an x-ray."

"Aw, can't we wait until the end of the game? Please?" he begs.

JJ stares at him, knowing when she played she'd have been the same way. She glances at the clock and sees less than 2 minutes remain.

"Okay," she agrees. "But no jumping for joy when your team wins, got it?"

He grins. "Got it, JJ. Thanks."

Declan nearly breaks that promise when his team wins, putting them in the championship game. Henry's car seat is moved to Garcia's car and she takes Francesca and her Godson home while Emily and JJ take Declan to get his knee examined. After 3 hours in the ER they are told…it's bruised and needs to be iced. No MRI will be needed. JJ rolls her eyes.

"Gee…why didn't we think of that?"

Declan just laughs at her. As they drive back to the school, Declan stares at JJ a minute, then swallows.

"JJ?"

"Yeah, Dec?"

"I…I'm really sorry about your sister."

She turns and looks at him, thankful Emily is driving. She nods. "Thanks, Dec," she says emotionally.

He just nods. When they get him back to school, he looks at them both. "Uh, do I have to tell Dad about the injury? Can't I just tell him we won?"

Emily raises an eyebrow. "Tell him about the injury, Declan. And not just the cut on your chin."

Declan sighs. "But it's nothing and I don't want to worry him."

Emily lays her hands on his shoulders. "Dec, he'll be upset if he finds out later. And you can tell him it's nothing bad." She smiles. "And you can tell him it got that jerk ejected again."

Declan chuckles. "Yeah, I can. Well, I better get in. I still have to finish my math homework. Our final exam is Friday."

"Good luck with it. What about your other finals?"

"Monday and Tuesday." He thinks a minute. "I get out of school next week. Do you think…think I could go visit Dad?"

Emily smiles. "It's already in the works, Declan."

He grins. "Cool."

They give him a hug and he goes on up to his room. As they get back to the Lexus, JJ stops and takes Emily's hand.

"Thank you for…for so much, Emily. But especially for just letting me use you as I needed to this week."

Emily smiles. "You're welcome, Mrs. Prentiss." She glances at her watch. "It may be too late for Red Robin. How about McDonald's tonight?"

JJ nods. "That will work." As they climb in, JJ grins. "But you still owe me the Comfort Special at Red Robin."

Emily laughs, glad to hear and see the spark trying to come back into her wife's eyes. "You got it, Mrs. Prentiss. You got it."


	3. Chapter 3

"So, where should we start?" Dr. Westfallen asks.

JJ stares at her and then chuckles. "I have no earthly idea."

"Well, yesterday you told me about your sister killing herself when you were 11. And then how that was all dredged back up again by a serial killer with Early Onset Alzheimer's. Any new revelations or feelings on that overnight?"

JJ starts to pace. "In all honesty I think I'm still kind of in shock about it all. I…I'm not sure when it will completely hit me again."

"Fair enough. So what else is darkening your eyes?"

JJ sighs. "Since becoming a profiler-in-training I've had some…some experiences that…" She stops and stares at the wall. "I think I'm bad luck for the team. I'm scared I'm going to get one of them killed."

Westfallen frowns. "Jennifer, there is no such thing as a person being 'bad luck' for others. You can't even be bad luck for yourself."

"Morgan got shot—"

"So did you," the doctor interjects.

"—Hotch got attacked by a serial killer," JJ continues without pausing. "I sent Emily undercover and nearly got her killed. Reid got grabbed because I was too stupid to notice that a man I didn't recognize was where he shouldn't be. And then…and then Morgan gets shot again because of me. Shit…Emily was alone to be grabbed by Doyle because I was in a fucking meeting. If that's not bad luck what the hell is it?"

Westfallen stares at the woman a moment before standing and moving to her. She takes JJ's hands in her own. "Jennifer, look at me." JJ slowly brings her eyes to the doctor's. "_None_of that is your fault. And I think Emily would be as upset as I am to hear you call yourself 'stupid'. As to what it is, I'd say it's the hazards of the job. But let's start at the beginning, shall we? You can't blame yourself for Doyle, Jennifer."

JJ sighs and steps away. She sits on the arm of the couch. "I…I know. And I believe what Em said about…about what would have happened to me if I _had_been with her. But it doesn't make me feel any better about what she had to go through. She offered to change the appointment. Doyle wouldn't have gotten to her if she'd changed the appointment."

"Jennifer…he wouldn't have gotten to her _then_ if she'd changed the appointment. From all you both have told me, he would have taken her no matter when, where or how."

Jennifer stares at the wall a moment. "My head knows that. My heart is just struggling with that right now."

"I see. In other words, anything you can feel guilty about you're feeling guilty about. A mental mindfuck, if you will."

JJ can't help but laugh. "Is that an official shrink term, Doc?"

Westfallen grins. "I told you the first time you visited: my office, my rules."

JJ chuckles. "Right."

"So, what happened after you got Emily back to work?"

"The case with the illegal immigrants."

Westfallen nods. "I remember that one. Seems we discussed the warehouse in detail."

JJ nods. "Yeah, we did. Thought I was past it but…but it all came back again in New Orleans."

"Then let's go to New Orleans. What happened there, Jennifer? You told me about Will saving Emily and Helen saving Hotch. Did you forget to mention something?"

JJ sighs. "Um…I didn't exactly forget. I just…ignored it."

"I see."

JJ stands and begins to pace again. "We were staking out a house. The suspect got into the guy's shed, stole his nail gun and, we found out later, rigged it so the safety was inoperable. It was a weapon, not a tool. Somehow she saw us in the house. When Morgan tried to see her from the front window she fired through the glass and got him in the arm. I ran after her but she got away."

"Which is how she got to Hotch, Emily and Will."

"Yeah."

Westfallen studies JJ a minute. "Jennifer, how was Morgan getting shot your fault?"

"Because I saw her. I told him where she was. I…I alerted him and he looked out the window because of me."

"Ah, I see. Otherwise he'd have been lying on the couch doing nothing?"

"What? NO! No, he would have been-wait! No! Stop that! God, I hate when you try to get me to point out the obvious!" she says in frustration.

Westfallen smiles. "And what is the obvious?"

JJ stops and leans against the wall. "He was doing the job. He was…he would have…shit…he would have been right where he was no matter what I said or did. It was just…the job."

Westfallen nods. "Exactly."

JJ slides down the wall to the floor, tears in her eyes. "And the job is what ripped open my heart and the hearts of my parents and brother. I fucking hate the job sometimes."

Westfallen kneels in front of her. "I don't blame you for that. Your job puts you in the worst criminal minds the world has to offer. We talked once about how everyone on your team copes with the stress when it gets too much. Have you found your stress relief?"

JJ manages a smile. She pulls out her phone and shows the doctor her new background picture: Declan with Henry on his shoulders. "Them. And Rocky. Being a mom is my stress relief."

"And you include Declan in with your children?"

JJ nods. "Yeah, I do. I mean, I know he's Tom's son and that is perfectly fine. I mean, I don't plan to flip out and steal him. But I enjoy being a mother figure to him. In fact, I was ready to beat a man to a pulp because he was telling his kid to take out Declan last night in a game."

Westfallen laughs. "What a good example for the kids you would have been."

JJ chuckles. "I know, right? But the kid ended up hurting Dec and suddenly all I cared about was making sure he was okay. And once I knew he was okay…I was ready to rip that father a new one again. I knew then that above all other titles 'Mom' is my favorite."

"So what does that mean for you as an FBI agent? Especially one that travels so much?"

"Oh, I'm an agent, too. And a profiler. That's in my blood. And I know that part of me makes the world a bit safer for my children. I just don't know what the team thinks of me right now."

JJ stiffens. Until she'd said the words she hadn't realized the fear she was harboring. Westfallen sees the light dawn.

"Oh my God…I'm worried they…they won't want me…" JJ murmurs.

"Jennifer, how many girls did Thedoroski claim to kill?"

"37 in over 30 years," she answers quietly.

"And what case was the first one they cleared?"

JJ raises her eyes to meet Westfallen's. "Amy's."

"They did that because they love _you_, Jennifer."

JJ smiles a little. "Yeah…they did."

"Does that sound like people who don't want you around?"

"No…no it doesn't. I'm a fool."

"No, Jennifer, you're just hurting right now. How about you think over what we talked about today and come see me again tomorrow? Maybe talk to Emily a bit about your fears. And maybe Spencer, too."

JJ smiles. "My wife and my 'little brother'. Yeah, they probably know what to say to get my head on right."

Westfallen smiles. "Definitely. What do you plan to do the rest of the day?"

"I plan to go home, play with Henry, and give Francesca a well deserved rest of the day off."

"Sounds like a good plan. On the off chance some memory hits you the wrong way I'm just a phone call away."

JJ reaches out and takes one of the doctor's hands. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me. It would be a billable hour," Westfallen says with a wink.

JJ chuckles. Ten minutes later she sits in her Camry and fires off a text to Emily.

_Headed home to give Francesca the day off. I'm better, Em. Not cured, but better. I love you._

With her heart feeling much lighter than it had that morning, JJ heads for home.


	4. Chapter 4

Emily smiles as she reads the text message. She responds.

_"Good plan, baby. I'm glad you're doing a better. I love you so much. If you need anything just say the word. You're my pod person and it's my job to nurture you."_

She chuckles as she sends the message. A few seconds later she gets a response.

_I'm NOT a pod person…as far as you know. ;o) Love you, sweetheart._

Emily just grins and sets her phone aside. She goes back to the file in front of her, trying to nail down the profile on a child abductor. A few minutes later a shadow falls across her desk.

"Agent Prentiss, how is Agent Jareau doing?" Erin Straus asks without preamble.

Emily looks up at the unit chief. "She's having to go through the mourning process for her sister again. She's…struggling as anyone would be but she'll be okay. Thank you."

Straus nods. "Good. I assume she's seeing someone outside the Bureau?"

Emily smiles. "Not sure you're allowed to ask that, ma'am."

Straus grins. "Good." She pats Emily on the shoulder. "Tell her…tell her I'm sorry."

Emily nods. "I will, ma'am. Thank you." She watches as Straus heads out of the bullpen. "Pod person," Emily mutters under her breath.

Just before noon, Emily is putting aside her fourth case file of the day when she hears. "MAMA!"

She turns, smiling as JJ walks into the bullpen carrying Henry. She stands. "How's my boy?"

He reaches out to her and she takes him, getting a big Henry Hug and kiss. She looks at JJ.

"Not that I'm upset to see you but aren't you supposed to be taking time away from here?"

JJ nods. "Yep. But I had to get a couple things out of my office and I figured if we did it now I could treat you to lunch."

Emily grins. "Sounds perfect."

After letting Garcia know she's holding down the fort for the team, the Prentiss family heads to their favorite café just off base. After placing their orders, Emily looks into her wife's eyes.

"So…what was the real reason for this?"

JJ sighs. "Can't hide anything from you, can I?"

"Nope. Because in addition to being a world class profiler I am madly in love with you and can read your emotions like a picture book." She grins slyly. "A sometimes naughty picture book."

JJ slides a glance at Henry. "Behave, woman," she jokingly threatens. Emily just winks. JJ takes a deep breath. "Em, what would you say if I told you I'm bad luck for the team?"

Emily raises an eyebrow, knowing the strange question needs a serious answer. "Well…I would talk to you about a 10 year study done by Richard Wiseman from Britain's Hertforshire University* that proved people's perception of whether they were lucky or unlucky actually influenced the luck they had. His conclusion proved that luck was more affected by psychology than some crazy karmic force out to kick us or reward us."

JJ stares at her wife a moment then can't help but chuckle. "At times I'm reminded I'm married to a nerd. An incredibly gorgeous and sexy nerd, but still a nerd."

Emily chuckles, not denying the point at all. She stares into JJ's eyes. "And I would also ask what the heck brought that question on?"

JJ shrugs. "Just…something I'm working through with Dr. Westfallen. I just feel…feel like so much has happened to us since I became a profiler and am out in the field more."

Emily reaches over and takes her hand. "So much more than getting caught in an explosion, getting kidnapped by a religious cult, having someone stalk and kill a spouse, something worse than all that and so many other things I could mention? Really?"

JJ stares at her wife. "But I-"

"Oh, wait…I forgot about the whole jumping off a cliff into a glacier fed river. That was definitely pre-profiler Jareau."

"But what if—"

"Oh, and what about the team nearly being dissolved by acid? You were on maternity leave for that one."

JJ stares at her wife. "You're not going to let me say anything other than I'm not bad luck, are you?"

Emily grins. "Nope." She squeezes her wife's hand. "Jennifer, we joke that you are the 'Mom' of us. But the truth is, you are an integral part of the team. Your insight and experiences help us; they've always helped us. We were not lying to you when we said you were a profiler long ago you just didn't have the credentials. Now you do. And, baby, Morgan, me, Reid, heck, all of us, can do plenty to get ourselves into trouble without any voodoo bad luck from you."

JJ laughs at that and nods. "Yeah, that is very true. Thank you, Em."

"Anytime, Mrs. Prentiss."

The three enjoy a good, laughter filled lunch. When she gets back to the BAU, Garcia is waiting for Emily.

"Is she okay?"

Emily grins. "She's getting there. She has it in her head that she's bad luck for the team."

"Bad luck? Oh, sugar, she should know this team obviously drove bulldozers through a mirror factory. All of you get into ridiculously crazy situations all on your own. Her bad luck is her own but it sure as heck doesn't rub off on the rest of you."

Emily chuckles. "Exactly what I told her." She pats Garcia's arm. "Make sure you tell her, too."

Garcia winks. "Your wish is my command, Princess."

* * *

At 3 Emily sees a familiar number come up on her cell caller id.

"Hey, Hotch," she answers. "How's it going?"

"Frustrating as hell. Rossi and Reid are heading to Philly to check on a storage unit Thedoroski's uncle pays rent on. Morgan is staying here to go over 2 more cases that came in today. I have a meeting I can't get out of tomorrow so I'm flying back this afternoon. Is there anything pressing I need to do at the office?"

"Not that I know of. Let me go see what's on your desk."

Emily heads to the chief's office and goes through the mail in his inbox. "There's a few interoffice envelopes here. One from White Collar."

"Probably that asshole Turner's resume," Hotch mutters.

Emily chuckles. "Most likely. Uh, one is from Requisitions, probably a reprimand for the number of phones we go through," Hotch chuckles "and the other is from Anti-Terrorism. The rest look like requests from local precincts and, oh, wait, one more interoffice from the Academy."

"So nothing to worry about tonight. Good. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Sounds good. And tell the guys not to worry about their desks. I'm leaving plenty of cases in their inboxes for them."

Hotch laughs. "I'm sure they'll be glad to hear that. See you, Prentiss."

"Bye, Hotch."

* * *

At 5 on the dot, Emily is heading out of the bullpen. She doesn't even carry her briefcase. Her wife and son are getting all of her attention tonight.

As she walks in the front door of her house she sees Sergio streak across the hallway from the kitchen the living room. Alaska follows close behind. And bringing up a distant third place is a giggling Henry. She chuckles.

"Not quite fast enough to keep up yet, Champ."

Henry stops and grins. "MAMA!"

He changes directions and runs to Emily. She scoops him up and gives him a big hug. As she gets a hug and kiss from her son she knows she will never get tired of coming home to this. She walks him into the kitchen to find JJ finishing up dinner.

"Hi, baby."

JJ walks over and gives her wife a kiss. "Hi. Dinner will be ready in about 10 minutes."

"Smells good. Chicken spaghetti?"

"Yep."

Emily looks at Henry. "Sound good, Henry?"

"Yummmm!"

Emily smiles and nods. "Yummmm is right!"

She sets him down and heads upstairs to change into sweats and a tee shirt. She recognizes the meal as being a comfort meal for JJ. Something tells her that they would be having a lot of comfort foods over the next few days. And that is perfectly fine. Whatever JJ needs is what she would get from Emily.

That evening as they head to bed, Emily takes JJ in her arms. "Jen, how are you doing?"

JJ thinks a second. "Depends on the minute. One minute I'm just glad to know. And the next I'm so mad at her I could scream. And then the next I'm worried about my parents and Mark and scared we'll pull away from each other again. All in all there are about 10 different minutes I bounce around. And the worst is the guilt minute."

Emily frowns. "The guilt minute?"

"That's the minute after I am so mad at her I can barely breathe. How can I be mad at her when she had to have been so scared and in so much pain? God, Em, I just don't…don't know how to function when that hits me."

Emily strokes a hand down JJ's cheeks. "I'm not going to pretend to know what you're going through. I can't even imagine it since I have no siblings. But I do know suicide and I do know what it's like to be left behind. She had four people she could have confided in, Jennifer. She had four chances to be shown there were alternatives to what she did. She needed help but she _chose_not to reach out."

"I…I know that…most of the time. But sometimes…it just doesn't fucking matter. Somehow I let her down. We all did. If I had just told Mom or Dad when she borrowed the BenGay from me maybe things would have been different."

"Or maybe they wouldn't have been. Jen, how many families have you cautioned against playing the 'what if' game?"

JJ sighs. "Too many. But this is different. This is…this is Amy."

She bursts into tears once more. Emily pulls her close and holds her as sobs again wrack her body. Fully clothed, Emily guides them to the bed. They lay down and she holds her wife as JJ cries herself to sleep. Emily prays that JJ sleeps through the night for the first time since they had heard the name Daniel Thedoroski.

* * *

**A/N: *Richard Wiseman of Britain's Hertfordshire University study on luck: this study really exists. I know this because I'm a nerd, too. :o)**


	5. Chapter 5

JJ had been talking to Dr. Westfallen for 30 minutes about her lack of sleep, the dreams she has when she does manage to sleep, and her inability to get her emotions under control. Westfallen studies her for a minute.

"Jennifer, why did you join the FBI?"

JJ sighs and leans back on the couch. "I always wanted to help people. I just didn't know how. I was thinking about being a cop so I could catch the bad guys and give families peace of mind. But that never quite sat right." She smiles unconsciously. "Then my senior year at Pitt I visited Georgetown to look into their grad programs. Dave Rossi was speaking and with nothing better to do I went. I was…enthralled." She blushes. "I mean, heck, the guy was so handsome and the way he spoke about what the BAU was doing…well, the whole package sucked me in. I did a semester at Georgetown and then applied to the Academy the next Fall."

"I see. So why a media liaison and not a profiler to start?"

"For one, you have to have some experience under your belt to get into the courses to become a profiler. Plus, I was finishing my Master's. I was such an over-achiever I had started it my senior year at Pitt and I couldn't just…just not finish it."

Westfallen chuckles. "Why doesn't that surprise me?"

"Towards the end of my 2 years probation, I heard through the grapevine that the liaison position in the BAU would be opening up in a few months. I took the courses and sent in my application. I figured it would be my foot in the door at the BAU. Turns out I enjoyed it. Hell, I loved it."

"So what made that position better than the profiling?"

JJ bites her lip as she thinks about the answer. She glances at Henry, who is playing with his activity center in the corner of Westfallen's office. She smiles.

"I liked being the shoulder the families could lean on. My family didn't get an answer for why Amy killed herself all those years ago. I wanted to help families get the answers we were cheated out of. And I don't just mean _who_ killed their loved one, but _why_. A profiler has to pick apart their loved one's life and ask the…the uncomfortable questions. I didn't want that to be me," she finishes quietly.

"And now it _is_you."

"I…I know. How the fu—" she steals a glance at Henry. "How the heck do I incorporate the desire to be empathic with being a stoic profiler caring only about the facts of the case?"

"I can't answer that for you, Jennifer. And I have a feeling it's not something anyone can answer, not even you. I believe one day it will just…click for you." She lays a hand on JJ's leg. "You are a good mother, a good agent, a good profiler and a good person. All of those things feed into each other to make you whole. But I will warn you, try to stifle one part of you and all of you will suffer. You catch the bad guys, Jennifer, because that's who you are."

"Mommy?"

JJ looks over and sees Henry is looking at her with concern. She reaches up to her cheek, feeling the wetness of her tears. She hadn't even known she was crying. She smiles at her son.

"I'm okay, Little Man."

He smiles and walks over. "Boo?"

She chuckles. "No boo-boo. But a Henry Hug can make the tears go away."

He throws himself at her and she lifts him up into a big hug. She smiles over his shoulder at the doctor.

"And that is who you are, too, Jennifer. You make the planet a better place for all the Henry's and Sandy's and Alan's and Mark's of the world." She pats JJ's arm. "You make it good for you, too."

JJ smiles and nods. "Yeah, I do." She chuckles. "You know, I have no idea what Emily is paying you for all our sessions but I think you're getting the short end of the deal."

Westfallen laughs. "I'll keep that in mind when I bill her at the end of the month."

JJ grins and looks at Henry. "So, Henry, how about a trip to the zoo? I think I need to see you laugh at the monkeys."

"MONKS!" he says excitedly.

JJ looks back at her shrink. "Thank you, Doc. For everything."

Westfallen nods. "My pleasure, Jennifer." She tickles Henry. "You be good for Mommy, okay, Henry?"

He nods. "Love Mommy!"

JJ smiles and gives him a kiss. "Love you, too, Henry."

Ten minutes later they are on their way to the National Zoo for some Mommy-Son bonding time.

* * *

At 2 p.m. Emily walks into Garcia's lair. "Pen, I need a favor."

Garcia spins around and holds her hands out to stop Emily's advance. "Emily, I swear I will get to your search on Monday. Right now I'm still running 3 cases for Rossi, 2 for Morgan and 2 for Reid, plus Hotch had one from the director I have to deal with."

Emily smiles and sits down. "No search needed right now. I just talked to Tom. He's doing really good."

Garcia smiles happily. "Awesomeness! Still on track to come home in July?"

"So far. But that will still be too late to see Declan's game tomorrow." Emily smiles slyly. "Unless a certain high-tech goddess can help me out."

Garcia giggles and claps happily. "I think I know exactly what you need and exactly what to do."

"Great! Want to ride with us to Richmond?"

"Nah, Kevin is going, too. We'll just meet you there."

Emily nods. She pauses a second, her smile fading. "How…how are the guys doing?"

Garcia sighs. "They doubt they will be back before Monday night. And that's with working all weekend. The good news is they have confirmed two murders that Thedoroski committed that other men were convicted of. The State's attorney is already working on getting the men released and the cases re-opened to figure out how they were convicted in the first place."

Emily sighs and shrugs. "I guess that's good news. I mean, it _is_ good news it's just…I wish…" she trails off, not really sure what she wishes for the Jareau's.

Garcia nods and pats Emily's arm. "Yeah, I know what you mean. No matter what Amy is gone and they are having to go through the mourning process again. It sucks big time."

"To put it mildly. So, do you need me to buy anything to set up a wifi Skype tomorrow?"

"Nope, I should have all we need. If not, I'll let you know. Are you going to tell Declan?"

Emily shakes her head. "No, just in case there are…sun spots or something and it doesn't work."

Garcia nods. "Okay. Is his knee okay?"

Emily smiles. "It's fine. A 'real cool purple' according to Dec but he can play."

"Yay for Declan! I can't wait to see the game!"

"Me, neither. See you later, Pen."

* * *

When Emily walks into the house that night she sees a small monkey jogging down the hall towards her. She grins.

"Mommy! I thought we said no more pets," she calls out.

JJ steps out of the kitchen into the hallway as the "monkey" throws himself at Emily's legs.

"MAMA!"

"Mommy! This monkey talks!" Emily says as if surprised.

Henry rips off his mask and smiles. "MAMA!"

"Oh! It's just Henry!" She lifts him up. "I thought Mommy left you at the zoo and brought a monkey home."

Henry makes a funny face and starts to make monkey noises. Emily laughs and gives him a kiss. "Maybe she did and you're just a monkey in a Henry mask!"

She lifts up his shirt and gives him a raspberry on his tummy. He giggles and laughs, squirming in her arms.

"Nope! That's definitely my Henry."

He throws his arms around Emily's neck. "Love Mama!"

She hugs and kisses him. "I love you, too, Henry."

She sets him down and walks over to her wife, who had been laughing at the antics of her wife and son. Emily pulls JJ close, studying the dark bags under her wife's eyes.

"You're profiling me, Emily," JJ warns.

Emily shakes her head. "No, Jen, I'm worrying about you because I love you. Trust me, there's a difference."

JJ sighs. "Yeah, I guess there is. I…I'm better today. It will just…take some time."

Emily nods. "I know, baby. I know. Are you parents still coming in tonight?"

JJ nods. "Yeah. They want to see Declan's game and they just…I think they want out of the house for a while."

"I understand." She strokes a hand down JJ's face. "Jen…if they…they need anything, a shrink, a weekend getaway, anything…use the funds. For Mark, too."

JJ nods. It's not often she touches the Prentiss Money, as she thinks of it. But for her parents and Mark, to help them get past this, she would use it in a heartbeat.

"I will, Em. I will." She pulls her wife close. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too, Jennifer. Tu eres mi mundo."

JJ smiles. "You're my world, too."

* * *

Just after 6, JJ's phone rings. She takes a steadying breath before answering.

"Hey, Spence."

"Hey, Jayje. Just wanted to see how you were doing."

She leans against the door leading to the garden. "Better. It will just take a little time to feel…feel like me again but I'm getting there."

"Good. I'm really…really sorry about all this."

"It's okay. Hey, Em told me you all found proof that 2 men in jail are innocent of their crimes. That's really great."

Reid smiles. "Yeah, that actually did feel good. Might be the only 2 good points of all of this hell."

JJ bites her lip and lets out a breath. "Spence, 3 good points came out of all this. We never knew why she did it. I know…I know it may not seem like it…but it is helping us to know. Now we have the answer that has haunted us for so many years. Please remember that, okay?"

Reid smiles. "Thanks, JJ. I needed to hear that."

"How was the storage unit?"

"Packed," he says tiredly.

They spend the next 10 minutes talking about the storage unit and the various crimes they are definitively linking to Thedoroski. It is not until they get off the phone that JJ realizes that their conversation actually settled her somehow. She slowly shakes her head.

"It really is fucked that we look to death and mayhem to get over death and mayhem," she mutters, remembering one of Reid's favorite quotes about the team. "Guess Doc is right…this is who I am meant to be." She smiles at her reflection. "And there's not a damn thing wrong with that."

She turns and sees Emily staring at her questioningly. "Are you okay, Jen? You were muttering to yourself."

JJ smiles, and it reaches her eyes for the first time in a long time. "Yeah, Em, I am. You know how it's kind of screwy that your blood pressure goes down when you study gruesome crime scenes?"

Emily nods. "Yeah. What about it?"

"Spence and I were talking about Thedoroski's real victims and suddenly…suddenly things in me started to…realign themselves. It's just really screwed."

Emily chuckles and pulls JJ close. "Yes, Mrs. Prentiss it is. But it's because Agent Jareau is in your blood." She kisses her wife's neck. "And she's sexy as hell, too."

JJ giggles. "My parents will be here any second. Don't start something we can't finish."

Emily leans back and looks into her wife's eyes. They had not made love in over a week. It wasn't even something they had thought about with all that was going on. She sees the desire in JJ's eyes.

"I love you, Jennifer Prentiss. I am here whenever you're ready but there is no hurry," Emily promises.

"I love you, too. And I think I need you tonight, Emily. I think I need…I need _us_, tonight."

Emily gives her a tentative kiss. "Then you will have me, sweetheart. Te amo, ahora y para siempre."

"I love you, now and always," JJ echoes.

They are sharing another deep kiss when a throat clearing interrupts them. They turn and see Sandy and Alan standing in the kitchen. The older couple is smiling at them.

"I am so happy to see you two this way," Sandy says emotionally. "I saw how…distant you were at the house."

"We know this is the kind of thing that can drive a couple apart," Alan adds. "I'm glad it's not happening to you two."

JJ smiles. "And are you two…you know…okay?"

Sandy walks over and hugs her daughter. "We mourned her already, Jenny. Does it hurt again, yes. But I didn't lose your father all those years ago. I'm not going to lose him now."

JJ smiles. "You don't know how happy I am to hear that. I was…scared."

Alan walks over and hugs his wife and daughter. "No need to be, Sports Star. We're going to be just fine."

Emily smiles, glad this family had once more avoided the potential implosion of their lives. They all end up sitting up late into the night talking and laughing about crazy times in their lives. It was a perfect end to an imperfect week.

* * *

Just after 3 a.m. Rocky decides Emily's bladder is a perfect soccer ball. Emily barely registers she is in bed alone as she hurries to the bathroom. When she reenters the bedroom, she looks at the recliner by the window. JJ sits in it, her knees drawn up to her chest as she stares out the window. She is bundled up in a sweatshirt and her flannel sleep pants. Obviously she'd been there a while. Emily walks over and squats down beside her.

"Jen, you need sleep."

JJ shrugs. "I slept some."

"Baby, we didn't get to bed until after midnight. How much sleep could you have gotten?" Emily points out.

JJ sighs. "I just…keep having dreams about her. Sometimes she's…she's the Amy I remember. Other times she's mean and bitter and just terrible. And no matter who she is, when I wake up it just hurts all over again."

"And if you don't sleep it can't hurt?" Emily surmises.

JJ nods. "Something like that."

Emily takes JJ's hands in hers. "She wouldn't want you to do this to yourself, Jen. From everything you told me, she was always watching out for you, even when you were being a pest. She wouldn't want you to run yourself into the ground, would she?"

"No," JJ admits. "But if I don't sleep I can't see how disappointed she is."

"Jen, sweetheart, she is _not_ disappointed in you. What would make you think she is?"

"I never looked into her case, Em."

Emily shrugs. "And why would you? It was…was closed. Jen, Thedoroski lied. Yes, now you finally have an answer but if he hadn't made his statement there would have been no reason for you to doubt what the ME said all those years ago. Why would you have ever dredged up all this pain for no reason?"

"I know…what you're saying is right. But in my dreams it's…it's not so easy to explain it to a ghost."

Emily strokes a hand through golden hair. "I know about being haunted by dream figures. I can tell you it gets better. But sitting here in the middle of the night scared of what you might dream will only hurt you. And, sweetheart, Amy wouldn't want you to hurt yourself over this. Please…come back to bed? Let me hold you; remind you that you are loved and needed."

Emily stands and offers her hand to her wife. JJ slowly takes it and stands. "I'm trying, Em…I swear."

Emily gives her a gentle kiss. "I know, JJ. I know. The dark always makes it harder and scarier. I swear, I know."

JJ just nods and lets Emily lead her to bed. Since Emily has to lie on her left side, they swap sides of the bed so Emily can spoon as best as possible into JJ's back. JJ can't help but grin as Rocky gives a good kick to her lower back.

"This could be dangerous for me," she jokes.

Emily kisses JJ's neck. "No, she just wanted you to know she's here for you, too."

JJ smiles, tears in her eyes. She reaches back and rubs Emily's stomach. "Thank you, Rocky. I love you."

Emily smiles as she feels some of the tension leave JJ's body. Yes, there would certainly be a few more restless nights but Emily knows her wife will get better with time.


	6. Chapter 6

Saturday morning everyone in the house is up and out by 7:30. Declan's game is at 10 a.m. at a private school in Richmond. Emily is riding with her in-laws as JJ drives the Lexus with Francesca and Henry. By the time they arrive just after 9, they see Garcia and Kevin are already there and carrying several equipment cases to the bleachers. Emily smiles.

"Perfect."

JJ walks over to Emily and frowns. "What is she doing?"

Emily grins and her wife. "It's a surprise for Declan."

JJ frowns, wondering just what her wife has cooked up. Holding hands, they make their way towards Garcia and Kevin. Declan sees the whole group and waves to them as his team continues to warm up. Sandy nudges JJ's shoulder.

"Is it just me or has he grown since Easter?"

JJ chuckles. "Trust me, it's not just you. A few weeks ago we had to buy him new shoes for gym and for class. Poor kid, his loafers were over a size too small and Tom had just bought them at Christmas. And his pants were starting to look like pedal pushers."

Alan chuckles. "I remember when Mark hit his first growth spurt. After his third pair of sneakers in less than a year I was ready to just have him wear flip-flops and shorts until he stopped."

By the time they reach the bleachers, Kevin is busy working on a laptop as Garcia and two other parents are setting up a tripod with a flat screen on it. JJ smiles proudly.

"You're going to Skype Tom in for the game!"

"We're sure going to try," Emily says.

Kevin grunts. "Try, schmy. It's going to happen in 3-2-1. Hi, Tom."

From the computer screen they hear. "Hi, Kevin."

Garcia looks over her shoulder. "Okay, Tom, let me know how this looks for you."

She plugs in a cord to the small camera on top of the flat screen and then looks back at Kevin.

"GREAT!" Tom hollers. "Oh, wow! Perfect! Thank you all so much. I…I don't know what to say."

As Declan is walking over to his bench to get the tape on his knee fixed, he glances to the stands. He stiffens, his eyes getting wide as he sees the flat screen…with his Dad smiling from it.

"DAD!"

He jumps over the trainer and races to the stands. He stares up at the screen, which sits up enough so the camera can see the whole field with no problem.

"DAD! You're…you're here!"

Tom smiles at his son. "Hi, Dec. Glad I'm not going to miss it."

Dec nods. "Me, too." He looks at Garcia and Kevin. "You two did this?"

Garcia grins. "Well, it was the Emster's idea."

He gives Garcia a big hug. "Thanks, Aunt Penny." He turns and hugs Emily. "Thanks, Emily." He looks up at his father. "I…I have to go but…I'll talk to you after the game. I love you, Dad."

"I love you, too, son. Good luck, today."

Declan smiles at everyone once more then heads over to finish with the trainer. His eyes rarely stray from his father. Tom sighs.

"Geez, I hope I don't distract him or make him nervous or something."

Emily smiles at her old friend. "You won't. He is just happy to see you."

"And I'm happy to see him. Thank you, Emily."

She nods and smiles. "Any time, Tom."

As Emily gets settled by her friends and family, she hears a young voice.

"Whoa! Look, it's Hammer's dad!"

She chuckles as a group of Declan's friends who had come to the game in a school van, crowd around the screen to say hi to Tom. She can't help but be proud of these young men as they tell Tom how they were watching out for Declan and all were praying that Tom got well soon. Yes, this school is turning out some fine young men. She glances over at Henry, picturing him as a student there someday. She looks up and sees Jen also watching Henry. The blonde looks up and meets the brunette's eyes. They both chuckle.

"Wouldn't be a bad option," Emily says.

JJ grins. "It sure wouldn't. But, um, I'm not ready to send him away just yet."

Emily chuckles. "Me neither, baby. Me neither."

Soon the game starts and it is a well-contested match. Declan plays great, his knee not bothering him at all. But when the final whistle blows, his team has fallen 14-12. As the other team celebrates their championship, Dec and his teammates gather around their coach.

"Men, I don't want to see you hanging your heads. You played a great game today against a great opponent. Every game this season, win or lose, you left it all out on the field and you played with dignity, respecting your opponents and the refs. You have no reason to be down on yourselves. I couldn't be more proud of you if we _had_ won."

JJ's eyes tear up. "Where the hell were coaches like him when I was playing?"

Sandy chuckles. "Most of your coaches were okay. There was only one that had to be run out on the rails."

Emily grins and looks at them. "Oh, really? Why is that?"

Sandy leans close. "Jerk said he should have known girls were too emotional to play sports. I thought Jenny and her teammates were going to beat the man up. A few fathers, uh, politely asked him to vacate the town."

Alan chuckles. "Politely nothing. I told the jerk if I saw him again I'd pop him in the nose."

Emily laughs. "Ah, so that's where Jenny gets her field side manner."

JJ blushes as Emily tells the Jareau's about JJ nearly attacking the bad sports father at Declan's last game. Sandy smiles.

"Yep, she is her father's daughter." She pats Emily's arm. "God help you, Emily."

JJ and her dad pretend to be offended. But that ends as Declan and his teammates come over with their coach to thank the spectators for making the trip and for their support throughout the year. As he finishes his speech, the league administrators start the presentations of trophies, starting with the all-championship team. Two of Declan's teammates are called and then…so is Declan. As he walks up to get his award, he glances at the flat screen, smiling proudly at his father, who is teary-eyed.

"Congratulations, Declan," his headmaster, Stephen Hill says, shaking his hand. "You've made your family and your school very proud."

Declan nods. "Thank you, sir."

As he walks back to everyone, he holds the award up to the camera so Tom can see it. Tom smiles and nods.

"I'm so proud of you, Declan. More than words can express. I love you, son."

"I love you, too, Dad."

Soon everyone is heading back towards Chateau Prentiss, as Garcia has dubbed it. Declan has a team party but they plan to pick him up Sunday for church and dinner before the Jareau's head home.

And everyone is quite amused and excited to know that Francesca will be enjoying dinner that evening with a certain school headmaster.

As she drives towards home, JJ smiles. Just a few days ago she had thought she would never feel happy again. And today she had proven to herself that no matter how much she misses her sister, life truly does march on.

_"I miss you, Amy,"_ she thinks to herself. _"But I'm going to keep living my life, enjoying my life, and sharing it with you as best I can. I love you, big sister."_

* * *

Arms wrap around Emily's waist from behind.

"Have I told you lately how much I love you?"

Emily turns in her wife's arms and stares into sky blue eyes. "I can always stand to hear it again."

JJ kisses her deeply. "I love you, Emily Prentiss. The way you take care of me even when I don't know I need taking care of. The way you are with Henry and Declan. The way you are with my parents. Even the way you are with victims and their families. Everyday I fall in love with you all over again."

She punctuates her statement by pulling Emily into a deep kiss, her tongue caressing her wife's mouth as her hands roam up under the taller woman's shirt. When the kiss ends, Emily's eyes are dark with desire.

"I love you so much, Jennifer. So very much."

JJ slowly lifts Emily's shirt up and off. Her mouth moves to the extremely sensitive breasts in front of her. Emily moans, her chest arching into the eager mouth and tongue of her wife.

"Oh, Jen…yessss…"

JJ takes Emily to the edge and then slowly starts to kiss her way down, easing Emily's sweats down as she goes. Emily whimpers in anticipation, her knees getting weak. As she steps out of her pants, JJ draws her tongue up one firm thigh, ghosting it across Emily's already damp curls.

"Oh, God, Jen…please…please…"

JJ looks up at her wife, her eyes now nearly black. "Lay down, Emily."

Emily backs up and lies down on the bed. JJ stands and slowly strips for her wife. Emily moans, one hand playing with a breast as the other toys with her clit. JJ moans.

"Do you know how fucking hot it is to watch you doing that?"

Emily takes a shuddering breath. "I'd rather you be doing it."

JJ smiles. "Funny…me, too."

She stalks towards the bed, crawling up between her wife's legs. Emily spreads them, wordlessly inviting JJ to do as she wants. JJ kisses from Emily's knee up to her hip. She then skips the throbbing center of her wife and kisses down the other leg. Emily's hips tense up and down, her body thrumming with desire.

"Pleeeease, Jen…oh, please…"

JJ can wait no longer, neither can Emily. Lifting Emily's legs up to her shoulders, JJ draws her tongue up the soaking center before her.

"YES! Oh, JEN!"

JJ thrusts her tongue in deep, her nose rubbing Emily's clit. The brunette bucks in time to the probing tongue. As she feels her wife nearing explosion, JJ moves her mouth up to suck on the throbbing gem before her. Emily moans as JJ's tongue is replaced by 2 fingers.

"YES! OH! MORE! FASTER! PLEASE!" Emily begs.

JJ adds a third finger as she gently nips Emily's clit. And that's all it takes. Emily's orgasm rushes over them, her hips pumping up and down rapidly as JJ sucks and thrusts, driving her up and up and up into a second orgasm.

"YES! OH! JEN! NEED! YOU! NOW!"

Emily is tugging at her wife, needing to bring her the same pleasure as she as received. JJ understands what her wife is asking. She quickly scoots up the bed, setting her own hot, wet center above Emily's mouth. Emily wraps her arms around JJ's thighs and brings her down to her mouth.

"OH! EM! YES!"

JJ rocks back and forth as Emily's tongue, lips and teeth work the blonde into frenzy. Soon two fingers join the mouth and JJ leans forward, her hands braced against the headboard as her hips rock faster and faster, grinding into her wife's mouth and hand. Almost too soon for either of them, JJ is driven over the edge, riding her wife into ecstasy.

Her legs quivering, JJ falls to the bed beside her wife. "Oh, Em," she pants.

Emily rolls to her side, giving her wife a deep kiss. Both moan as they taste themselves on each other.

"I love you so much, Jennifer," Emily says, staring down into her wife's eyes.

"I love you, too, Em. God, I love you so much."

And suddenly that love leads to tears. Her sister had never had a chance to feel what true love was. Emily immediately understands what is going on. She pulls JJ close as sobs wrack the younger woman's body.

"I…I'm sorry, Em," JJ finally mutters.

"Shhh…it's okay. Cry for her, Jen. It's okay. It's completely okay."

Emily just holds her close as JJ's tears continue to fall. When would the tears stop? JJ wonders.

Emily kisses her wife's forehead. "Cry as long as you need, Jen," Emily answers the unspoken question. "I'll be here for you. Always."

JJ just nods, cuddling into her wife and praying for the pain to go away, or at least numb, soon. Eventually, wrapped in a protective embrace, she falls asleep.

And for the first time since she had discovered Garcia running a background on Amy Jareau, Jennifer Jareau Prentiss sleeps through the night.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: To the Guest who said I was helping them through tough times, you humble me. Thank you for your kind words. I hope things start to get better for you and that 2013 is a much better year for you.**

* * *

JJ turns on her computer and watches as it boots up. Back to work. Back to slowly closing out her liaison office and making the permanent move to profiler. As she stares at the pictures scattered around her she can't help but smile, a peace settling over her.

"I'm a profiler, damn it," she whispers. "I can be a profiler without losing my compassion. I know that now."

And for some reason, she just does. It's as if a light had clicked on in a hallway linking the two sides of her mind. Sometimes separating from the emotions will help, other times diving into the emotions will be the key to a case. She suddenly just knows she will be able to tread those waters perfectly. Well…most of the time, at least.

She gets up to get her first cup of coffee of the day and runs into Hotch in the hallway. He smiles at her.

"Welcome back, JJ."

She smiles and nods. "Thanks. You, too."

"When you have a chance come see me. We do need to discuss a couple of things."

JJ nods, feeling she knows what is coming. "Let me fill up and I'll be in there."

A few minutes later she walks in, shutting the door behind her. She sighs as he gestures to the seat in front of his desk.

"JJ, I hate doing this considering all that went on last week but I have to put a reprimand in your file. You disobeyed a direct order to stay away from the case and your actions could have jeopardized any prosecutions that result from the investigation."

She nods. "I know. I expected more than a reprimand to be honest."

He shrugs. "Other unit chiefs might have suspended you," he admits honestly. "But other unit chiefs didn't have Foyet to help them put actions into perspective."

She slowly looks up and meets his eyes. She hadn't stopped to think why he had let her do as much as she did. "Oh, shit, Hotch…I didn't even think of him…of what this was doing to you. I'm so sorry."

He grins. "Nothing to be sorry for, JJ. I'm glad you finally got the answers you have wanted all these years. I'm just wish you hadn't had to go through all the shit to get them." He hands her a copy of the reprimand. "God help us if there is a next time, but if there is you _will_be suspended."

She nods. "Understood." She thinks a minute. "What do we know so far?"

"The team was able to confirm 30 kills. They are looking into 2 more today."

"But he claimed 37," JJ points out. "Could he have been wrong about the number?"

Hotch shakes his head. "We're sure that's the right number. Garcia is creating a program to try to search out the missing 5 cases. We've also alerted police departments in states around Pennsylvania's borders to look into their cold cases. He always dumped the bodies near water. Could be someone was washed away and ended up in another state. Or he may have crossed state lines at some point and doesn't remember. That's less likely since so many of his kills were in Pennsylvania but it's worth looking into."

JJ nods. "True. I guess once cold cases are finished you'll look to closed cases, like the 2 where men were in jail?"

Hotch nods. "Yes, if needed. We'll pin him for all 37. I don't give a damn if he has Alzheimer's and ends up in a hospital instead of a jail. He'll pay for every damn one of his crimes."

"Good. I know we're not supposed to want revenge but—"

"I'd be more worried if you didn't," Hotch interrupts. "He'll pay, JJ. He'll pay."

JJ nods. "What about that ass hat Jacob?"

"Plead guilty to his attack on you to avoid a trial. His lawyer is trying to get him some sentencing leniency based on his past drug use."

"Bullshit!"

"Exactly. Won't work with the Federal Prosecutor. He tried to shoot one of us; he'll do the full tour in jail."

"Serves the fucker right," JJ says venomously.

Hotch studies her a moment. "Westfallen?"

JJ manages a smile. "Oh, hell yeah. Another appointment at 4 today."

Hotch nods. "Good. So, where do we stand on closing down your office?"

"I think I'm pretty much done. Garcia is fine handling the intake and distribution. The others have adapted to their new duties. I'm pretty much working on profiling right now and just fielding a few calls here and there." She sits forward. "Hotch, can I move to the bullpen?"

He nods. "I was going to suggest that. It will be helpful to you. Since Morgan is shouldering some extra duties, also known as headaches," JJ grins, "I'll move him into your office."

JJ smiles. "Good."

"Just one request, Agent Jareau?" She nods. "Don't let Prentiss make goo-goo eyes at you all day," he says with a chuckle.

She laughs. "I will do my best to curb her goo-goo eyes, sir. Promise."

She heads back to her office, tucking the copy of the reprimand in her files. She looks around the office. Time to start taking some things home. She won't care about the awards on the wall, those were just to make the brass happy. But she won't have as much room for pictures unless she gets them scanned into digital frames, like her one for Henry pictures. She is still planning her move when a blonde and pink head pokes into her office.

"Hi! You okay?"

JJ grins at Garcia. "I'm good, Pen. Really. Better than I thought I would be, especially after getting an official reprimand."

"WHAT?"

JJ explains, admitting it is deserved. "In all honesty, I'm more worried about my next training session with Derek. Not only did I struggle with him I kicked at him."

"Ooooo…yep, Chocolate Thunder may be coming down on Vanilla Lightening."

JJ laughs. "You said it, Pen. Put in a good word for me?"

Garcia winks. "You betcha."

Garcia leaves to talk to Emily about a search she's working on as JJ gets to work on the cases in front of her.

* * *

Just after 9 on Tuesday, the elevator opens to let out Morgan and Reid. The men look exhausted.

"Hey, how you guys doing?" Emily asks compassionately.

"Tired. Sick of hotels. Looking forward to my bed," Morgan admits.

JJ squeezes Reid's arm. "You both look like hell."

Reid grins. "You sure know the way to a man's heart, Jayje."

She grins. "Where's Rossi?"

"We flew back this morning. He drove up there and wanted to make the drive back alone to clear his head," Morgan tells her. "He left last night so he should be here soon.

"I don't blame him," Emily states, knowing she would have needed time alone, too.

At 10 the team, including an equally exhausted looking Rossi, meet in the round table room. Hotch stares at his team. All were showing the toll this case had taken on them. He is happy to impart his next bit of news.

"Due to our volume and the gravity of our cases lately, we're out of rotation for two weeks." A cheer greets this announcement. He grins. "I knew you'd be sad." The team chuckles. "This week and next week we will not be called out unless in response to a national emergency so work while you're here and leave it alone at 5. You and it will be there the next morning. Morgan, I need to speak with you for a few minutes after this. Does anyone have anything for the team?"

JJ slowly stands. "I do." She turns and looks at each team member in turn. "You went to Pennsylvania to investigate 37 murders. I want you to know I saw that Amy's was the first case you cleared. It means…so much to me and my family. This case really, really sucked so I need you guys to know that even though you didn't prove that bastard murdered Amy, you gave us the answer we had been searching for since she died. It may not seem like much to you but it is everything to us. We'll always miss her but now we know why she left us the way she did. That answer has helped me heal a sore I never thought would go away. I'll have the scar forever, but the wound won't be open any more. Thank you so, so much."

Reid stands and pulls her into a hug. "We love you, Jennifer. I'm glad we helped. Thank you for telling us we did."

She gets a hug from everyone else and they get to work. As she is finishing up a profile, Morgan walks into her office and starts measuring the walls and the desk, purposely getting in JJ's way. She laughs.

"Uh, can I help you, Morgan?"

He grins. "Just checking out my new digs. Desk is a little short but, well, go figure."

She pokes him. "Watch the short jokes, Mr."

He chuckles and sits on the edge of her desk. "You sure about this change?" he asks seriously.

She nods. "I'm still learning. It will help to be near Em and Reid when I have questions or doubts about a case. You going to be alright being so far away from your partner in crime?"

He smiles. "Ah, Em will be fine." He turns and looks out the door. "Plus from here I can probably hit her with a paper airplane whenever the urge strikes."

JJ laughs. "Hmm…I never thought of that."

Blue eyes meet brown…and they grin mischievously.

Emily is sitting at her desk when a paper airplane drifts by her head and lands on Reid's desk. As they are staring at it, a second airplane gets her in the back of the head.

"SCORE! Point for Jareau!" JJ squeals as she dances her victory dance.

Emily and Reid look towards JJ's office to see JJ and Morgan laughing. Emily shakes her head and turns back to Reid.

"Something tells me Morgan in that office could be dangerous."

Reid laughs. "Yeah, especially when JJ is being a bad influence on him."

The two agents nod. Inside, Emily is thrilled to see JJ acting up with Morgan. Yes, her wife was definitely getting better.


	8. Chapter 8

"But she's 28 weeks pregnant. That can't happen," Hotch says into the phone. He listens a minute then squeezes the bridge of his nose. This was a very crappy way to start the following Tuesday. "But _she_ doesn't speak any Middle Eastern languages, not to mention she's still in her probationary period as a profiler. Technically she's not a profiler even until July 1." He listens a few more minutes. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I don't trust other agencies to protect my agents. Look, what if she goes after Prentiss gives birth?" He finally sighs in resignation. "Fine, I'll speak with both of them. I'll call you back this afternoon."

Hotch hangs up the phone and starts to pace. He had been feeling sick to his stomach since opening the interoffice envelope from the Anti-Terrorism division. He had forgotten about it last week. Now…now it stares up at him as if taunting him. Even if he had seen it last week there wasn't much he could do. They wanted 2 of his profilers. And damn it…they were going to get them no matter what he did.

He glances out his window to the bullpen. Just yesterday JJ and Morgan had switched places. He sees JJ pouring over a case file at what had been Morgan's desk. He sees Emily also working hard, her left hand unconsciously rubbing Rocky. He starts to pace again. Finally he can no longer put off the inevitable calls. He hits Morgan's number first.

"Morgan, I need to see you for a few minutes. Bring Jareau with you."

"Yes, sir," Morgan says.

In his new office, Morgan stares at the phone. Hotch sounded beyond stressed. This can't be good. Grabbing a legal pad he heads for the bullpen.

"JJ, Hotch needs to see us," he calls.

JJ nods and grabs a pad and pen, following Morgan to Hotch's office. Emily and Reid can't help but glance at the chief's office. Both can see the stress on his face as he closes his blinds.

"That can't be good," Reid mutters.

"Gift of understatement, Reid," Emily points out dryly.

In his office, Hotch motions the agents to the couch and then sits in the chair across from them. He clasps his hands in front of him, the stress obvious in his normally controlled face.

"The brass has put together a task force they believe will help us bring an end to the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Part of that is interrogating prisoners as soon as possible. But military interrogators are not profilers. As such…shit…you two are being sent to Afghanistan for 2 months to work with—"

"NO!" JJ yells, leaping up. "No way, Hotch! Shit, Emily will be almost due by the time I get back! If she goes early like I did I'll miss Rocky's birth! No fucking way!"

He stares at her. "It's you or Emily, Jennifer."

JJ looks as if he has hit her. "Wh—what?"

"They wanted Emily because she speaks a couple of the languages over there. But since she's 28 weeks pregnant they said it had to be you. They want a female profiler to work with the female prisoners and informants."

JJ drops back down onto the couch. "But…but I don't speak the languages."

"No, but one of the female agents from another agency going with you does. You will be studying micro expressions and other tells that can help verify the validity of their statements." He looks at Morgan. "You'll be doing the same thing, teamed with a male agent who speaks the languages."

Morgan slowly turns to JJ. He studies the stunned woman a minute then turns back to Hotch. "And there isn't another female profiler that can go?"

Hotch shakes his head. "Our team is the best so they want the best."

"Well fuck them for their praise," JJ says bitterly. "What if…if I go after Rocky is born? God, Hotch, Emily's blood pressure will sky rocket!"

"Not an option, Jennifer. I swear I tried."

Both men see JJ is shaking, unable to believe that this can be happening. Finally she looks up at Hotch.

"Let me tell her. Please," she whispers.

He nods. "Of course. I swear, JJ, until the day you leave I will be trying to get this changed."

She forces a smile to her face. "I know, Hotch. I know."

Morgan and Hotch leave the office. Hotch stops by Emily's desk. "JJ needs to see you."

Emily stares at her boss. "What the fuck is going on, Hotch?"

"She'll explain," is all he says as he walks on.

Emily moves faster than she knew she could to get to her wife. "Jennifer?"

JJ looks up. "Close…close the door, baby."

Emily does and walks over to her wife, feeling her blood pressure rise. "What the fuck, Jen?"

JJ takes her wife's hands and pulls her down. "I…I've got a TDY assignment…in Afghanistan." Emily stiffens. "It's just 2 months and I'll be with Derek. I'll—"

"NO! NO FUCKING WAY!" Emily glares at her wife. "NO! Jen, I've never used Mother's connections but I'll do it now. Let me call Director Ryder and—"

"NO! Emily, don't…please…that will only come back to haunt us both. You know that."

"I don't give a damn! I don't want you going! Not now! Not EVER!"

JJ strokes her wife's cheek. "Baby, calm down…for Rocky." Emily takes a couple of deep breaths but her pressure doesn't even out. "Emily, you know I don't want to go. But what makes me any better than any other agent or service member who doesn't want to go?"

Emily stares into her wife's eyes. "They aren't my wife. _You_are. They aren't expecting a child in a few weeks!"

JJ tilts her head to the side. "Some of them _are_expecting kids, Em. You know that."

Emily stares at JJ a minute then looks away. "I…I hate that you're right. I just…want to be selfish about this. I don't want you to go, Jen." She looks back to her wife. "I'm scared of you going."

JJ shrugs. "I'm scared, too. I'd be foolish not to be. But I trust Derek and I trust the agents and military personnel I'll be working with. And I know it's going to be hard as hell but, please, Emily, please try not to stress yourself out about this. Try to stay calm for Rocky. Please don't make me worry about both of you."

"You play dirty pool, Agent Jareau," Emily whispers.

JJ smiles. "I know."

Emily pulls her into a hug. "I will do my best to stay calm but it's going to be hard. Fuck, Jen, I'm scared and missing you already."

"Me, too, sweetheart. Me, too."


	9. Chapter 9

Wednesday morning JJ and Morgan are upstairs in a meeting with the members of the Counter Terrorism Team, which is in charge of the overseas operations for the Anti-Terrorism team. On Sunday, the two FBI agents and the agents accompanying them will be heading to Nevada for a week of desert survival training…not a pleasant thought for Morgan or JJ. During that time they will also attend courses detailing what to look for when interrogating suspected Taliban supporters.

JJ sighs and sits back in her seat. "I know this is all supposed to make me feel better about going but so far…not so much."

Jordan Todd, who would be their contact in the States, smiles at her. "I know it may all sound rather intimidating but I promise you, JJ, it's not as bad as it sounds. Very rarely will you leave the safety of our bases. And when you do you'll have a contingent of Army or Marine specialists with you."

Morgan rolls his eyes. "But something tells me the insurgents look at teams of Army or Marines as target practice. Somehow that doesn't make me feel much safer. And IEDs don't give a damn who is with us."

Todd's boss, unit chief Ishmael Andrade, slowly nods his head. "Both of those points are very true. But in the years we've been fighting the war in Afghanistan we've only lost 2 agents. I don't plan to lose any more, Agent Morgan."

Morgan stares at the man. "Then I hope to hell Agent Jareau and I help keep your plan on track, Chief."

Andrade grins. "It's an order that you do, Agent Morgan."

Morgan can't help but chuckle. "From your mouth to God's ear, sir."

Andrade nods. Jordan takes over again. "There is a stronghold in the Kandahar province that has produced some very violent and dedicated Taliban soldiers. Conversely, it has also provided some of our best intelligence in the form of those who are not as enamored with the Taliban. Unfortunately, we don't always know if we are getting credible information or not. That's why we're hoping the skills of profilers will help us determine the truth of some of the statements we are given." She hands them a large folder and a CD. "Consider this your crash course in Pashtu and Dari. These are key words you'll want to listen for and especially judge their expressions as they say them. The CD shows people using them and the way their expressions or other statements changed depending on the truthfulness of the statement. It's not a lot but it should help some."

JJ flips through the paperwork then glances up at Jordan. "But we're the ones looking to build this honesty library, aren't we? We'll be learning and recording as we go?"

Jordan nods. "Sort of. More like expanding it. Truth is, the CIA probably has what we need but they are only feeding us the information we need as they see fit. This is our chance to put together our own intelligence for use over there and here in the States. What you and Morgan do in the next two months can save the lives of our military personnel in the Middle East as well as prevent any more 9/11's from happening."

Morgan looks over at JJ. "So…no pressure."

JJ rolls her eyes and shrugs sarcastically. "Right."

Jordan just smiles, knowing that though the two are not happy about the assignment there are no others she would trust more with this mission. "Guys, I know this sucks. JJ…I can't even imagine what this is like for you…but just know that this is one of those times that we are working for the greater good."

JJ slowly nods. "I know, Jordan. I know."

"And I promise, if your wife decides to pull a 'JJ' and go into labor early, I'll have you on the next flight possible out of there. I swear it to you."

JJ smiles. "Thank you. That means a lot to me."

"So, do you two have any questions?" Andrade asks.

Morgan and JJ exchange a look. He glances at the paperwork. "Who are the two NCIS agents going with us?"

Andrade gestures to the folder. "Tony Davide and Ziva DiNozzo. They are good agents and their full profiles are in there." He grins. "Feel free to have your analyst Garcia run a background on them herself."

JJ grins. "That's a given whether we ask of it or not."

Andrade grins. "I thought so. So, anything else?"

Morgan shakes his head. "Not that I can think of right now. We'll be in my office going over all of this. We'll let you know if we need anything."

JJ and Morgan take their homework and head down a flight of stairs to the BAU. They stop by Garcia's office long enough to drop off the information about their NCIS partners so she can start her background check. They drop their information off in Morgan's office.

JJ makes her way to her desk to get her coffee mug. She gives Emily a meaningful look. The brunette just stands and makes her way to the ladies room. JJ gets her coffee, drops her mug off in Morgan's office, then heads to the bathroom. As soon as she walks in, she sees the stress on Emily's face. JJ shakes her head.

"Baby, you can't keep stressing about this." She pulls Emily into a hug. "Please, honey, please try to stop."

"I can't help it, Jen. I just…I can't help it."

"Emily, I will be going through specialized training that I probably won't even need, I will have all the specialized protection gear your money can buy," she says with a grin, Emily grins, too. "and I will be with Morgan. If things get ugly I'll just duck behind him."

Emily finally manages a chuckle. "I hate this, Jen. This is worse than…than when you might have had to leave the unit if you didn't pass your profiling exams. I swear, say the word, and regardless of what it does to me in the future, I will make a call to get you out of this."

"Not going to happen." JJ stares into Emily's eyes. "Just because I am your wife doesn't make me better than anyone else."

"You're right, being my wife doesn't make you better. Being _you_ makes you better," Emily says sincerely.

JJ smiles and strokes a hand down her wife's cheek. "Charmer."

Emily grins. "You're just easy to please."

JJ chuckles and gives Emily a deep kiss. "I'll be fine, Emily. We'll Skype everyday or at least exchange emails. And then in 9 weeks I will be back in your arms as we await Rocky's birth." She looks down and speaks to Rocky. "Did you hear that? Nine weeks. No sooner, young lady, or you'll start life on restriction."

Emily chuckles and pulls her wife close. "I love you, Jennifer Prentiss."

"I love you, too, Emily Prentiss."

The two separate, JJ to study with Morgan…Emily to go to the bathroom since Rocky is once again using her bladder to practice goal kicks.

* * *

Thursday morning, JJ and Morgan are waiting in the round table room to meet up with the NCIS agents they will be working with in Afghanistan. Garcia had run them and deemed them "worthy" of her God of Chocolate Thunder and her best friend. As they are discussing carpooling to Dulles for the flight to Nevada, they hear a voice that turns JJ's heart to ice.

"Well, hello again agents Sexy and Sexier."

JJ slowly turns and stares at Mack Brewster. She glances at the folder on Afghanistan in Mack's hand and shivers.

"Oh. My. God."

* * *

**A/N: Yep, Mack is back! And going to get all hot and sweaty with JJ…in Afghanistan. Wonder how Em's blood pressure is going to be? Tune in at the end of the month when I start posting the next story.**

**Why the delay you ask? I am heading back to DC for a week to visit family. May work on stories but probably won't have time to post. I promise to have the next story all done when I get back so I can start to post it on the 28th or 29th. Promise. Really. Ah, don't you trust me?**

**Y'all rock! Thank you for reading and enjoying my little follies. Take care, my friends.**

**-AR**


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